What is wrong with families today? The Biblical answer is clear: We have believed society's lies and ignored Biblical truth. What are some of these lies? Here are three:

Society's lie #1: Men and woman are essentially the same. The Bible tells us that, while equal before God, we are different in important ways.

Society's lie #2: We need to stand up for our own rights and demand that our own needs are met -- even if that means breaking a solemn marriage vow, deserting our children, or rebelling against our parents. As Whitehead reports: "Fewer than half of all adult Americans today regard the idea of sacrifice for others as a positive moral virtue." What does the Bible tell us? "He who seeks to gain his own life will lose it" and "it is more blessed to give than to receive."

Society's lie #3: Children are a burden, or, at best, an ornament, or, perhaps, an experience. It's useful to have one in order to go through the experience, but take care that you don't spoil your life prospects by having too many. The Bible says: "Children are an inheritance from the Lord; the fruit of the womb a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." (Psalm 127) Children are God's; we "inherit" them from him, to bring up and hold in trust. They are gifts, rewards; our lives are filled by being poured out for them.

Let me pause here to say how much I appreciate the task this church assigns those of us who stand up here to preach. We are asked to "preach the word . . . in season and out of season" (2Tim 4), whether it is popular or not. Today's topic is difficult; I wouldn't touch it if I had to get up here & give my opinion or draw lessons for you from my own experience. I know there are some of you listening today who have much more experience and wisdom in these matters than I. But we who speak are asked to study the Bible diligently and, to the best of our ability and on the basis of deep prayer, to make clear to you the teaching of the Word of God. So I ask you today to listen carefully, with an open mind, and then act as those faithful Bereans in Acts 17 who, after hearing Paul speak, "searched the Scriptures daily to see if the things Paul said were true."

So this morning we will ask three questions, and try to discern the Biblical answers:

(1) What were men and women created to do? How do we differ?

(2) What is the relationship between husband and wife in a marriage founded on Biblical principles?

(3) What is the relationship between parents and children in a family founded on Biblical principles?

(1) DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Turn in your Bibles with me to Genesis chapter 1, beginning in verse 26:

Then God said, let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground. So God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:26-27)

This passage implies that two aspects of God's image found in humans are that we are created to rule, and that we are created to be in relationship. Thus, in some sense our sexuality is a reflection of the image of God. Now turn to chapter 2, in which we will read verses 7, 15, 18, and 21-25:

The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. . . 15 the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to serve* it and watch* over* it. . . . 18 The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'. . 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "WOW*, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and hold* fast* to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

This is all we know about man and woman in God's perfect creation. The very next verse describes the temptation that leads to the fall. So what can we discern from these verses?

First of all, note the relationship between Adam and Eve. The man & woman were in a perfectly intimate relationship. There was no hiding, there were no barriers between them. The man is to "hold fast" to his wife. This Hebrew word -- traditionally translated "cleave" -- is not a sexual term in this context. In several places in the Old Testament the same word is used commanding the Israelites to "hold fast" to God. It signifies the unity of man and wife, the degree of commitment and bonding between them. The next phrase -- becoming one flesh -- is clearly sexual, but also how much more!

Second, what does this passage tell us of the differences between man and woman in the perfect created order? There is no definitive theology here, but there are several intriguing hints. I would like to propose that this passage suggests that MAN IS PRIMARILY FUNCTIONAL IN ORIENTATION while WOMAN IS PRIMARILY RELATIONAL IN ORIENTATION. What do I mean by "functional" and "relational?" Man is functional because he receives his greatest satisfaction from performing a task or accomplishing a deed. Woman is relational because she receives her greatest satisfaction from building up of relationships. There are at least three hints or clues that suggest this conclusion:

HINT 1: What material is used to create the man and the woman? Man is made of an inanimate substance -- dust -- while woman is made from part of another person.

HINT 2: What tasks are they assigned? For what purpose was each of them created? In verse 15, man is put in the garden to "work" or "serve" it; to "take care of" or "watch over" it. It is interesting to note that man was created to "serve" and "guard" the creation. This word translated "work" in the New International Version that I have rendered "serve" is the same word that God uses when he speaks through Moses to Pharaoh saying "Let my people go that they may serve me in the desert." Man's relationship to creation is not domineering, but one of tending, serving, and guarding.

Well, what is the task of the woman? She is created, in verse 18, as a "helper suitable" for the man. The word translated "helper" is a military term; "ally" is a possible translation. But in the Old Testament the word usually refers to God, frequently coupled with "shield" -- "My help and my shield." Psalm 121 includes these well-known verses that shed some light on the meaning of the word: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills. From whence cometh my help? My help cometh from the Lord who made heaven and earth." Thus, this word does not imply any difference in importance, or any type of hierarchy between man and woman. The difference is in focus. Man's focus tends to be on the created order; woman's focus tends to be on serving people.

HINT 3: For hint number three we need to turn to chapter 3 and the results of the fall. As we read, note that the results for each are frustration & pain in their primary area of focus: relationships for the woman, working creation for the man. We read beginning in verse 16:

To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; thru painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat the food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken. For dust you are, and to dust you will return." (Genesis 3:16-19)

Let's consider the woman first. As a result of her sin, she will experience frustration and difficulty in her family relationships, both with her children and with her husband. The phrase "your desire will be for your husband" is talking not about sexual desire but about the desire to dominate and control. Note that the same phraseology is used by God in speaking to Cain in chapter 4 verse 7: "Sin is crouching at the door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." This interpretation is supported by the next phrase -- "yet he will rule over you." The woman will experience frustration in her marriage, in which she will desire to dominate and control her husband, but in the end he will dominate and rule over her. Now, have we seen the word "rule" used with regard to the man and the woman prior to this? No. Man's rule over woman is a result of the fall, part of the frustration that woman experiences after that event. This is not a command to man -- "you shall rule." As we shall see later, this is not a prescription for a Biblical marriage.

Well, what about the results of the fall for man? His frustration, his toil, is with respect to the created order, the ground. Thus, if this functional/relational difference between man and woman is correct, God points out to each of them that their sin will hurt them in the very area they care about the most. This is the essence of sin; we hurt and destroy what we love and want most.

In conclusion for this section, let me emphasize that these functional/relational differences between men and women are differences on a continuum; relationships and function are both important to all of us. Each of us is at a different point on the continuum; the differences between men and women are true in general, not necessarily for every two individuals. I encourage you to reflect on your own experience, and see if this perspective makes sense in understanding yourself and members of the opposite sex. Most of all, I encourage you to search the Scriptures to see if these things are true, to dig more deeply into this and other passages in order to figure out what God tells us about differences between men and women.